mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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