Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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