Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
worst night to have a conscience
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
