why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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