i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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