So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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