i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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