he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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