u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
