She announced her abortion via fbk
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
