i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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