Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
