Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i think i have herpe
just one?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sorry about my life...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
