i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
