I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
