Just fell off a train. Bad.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
