I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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