omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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