He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
