One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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