I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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