I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
