distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize