How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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