I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i now understand why vodka
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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