I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
