Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
