i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
