Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize