sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
