I wanna bring you to show and tell
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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