oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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