He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
