a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
