we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
