dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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