She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
