im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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