So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
