I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
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