Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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