I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
