My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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