She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
