If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
