I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize