Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
