Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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