Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
