My hand turned me down
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
