Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
