Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
