he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
