Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
