I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize