As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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