My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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