4 words: hood of his car
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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