Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
