It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
