i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
