No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
