the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
