my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
