i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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