I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
