If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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