1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
