Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
then he tried to convert me to islam
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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