so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
