I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
