Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
