put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She's the barista slut.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
