If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
