look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
