When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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