If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
third nipple confirmed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
