im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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