We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
