kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
