No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
