Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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