And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
