Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Sober January is a disaster.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
