I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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