shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize