Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
