it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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