Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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