Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
