I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
