The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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