DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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