I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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