why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
