so that wasnt chicken after all
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize