sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
