words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
