Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
