i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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