I hate all girls vehemently.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
