bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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