went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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