Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
