How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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