i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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