Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
