White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
