Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize