tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
